Ownership ….

Depending on one’s perspective, perhaps religious affiliation, life is considered a gift, something over which we had no control.  Our parents, whatever their paradigm at the time, bring us into the world either by choice or accident, but in any case, as said, by providing us the ‘gift’ of life.  Since, by most accounts, a gift is ours, something given us to do with as we please, something conveyed without condition, it logically follows then our lives are ours to do with as we please.  I thought about this for a bit and have come to question the paradigm, the whole notion that ‘our’ lives are actually ours, that we actually ‘own’ our life.  I thought this something worthy of exploration given my proximity to death.

 

Realities ….

Every now and then I have a bit of what I call an ‘episode’,  a moment or two when I get somewhat emotional, sometimes tearful, when I think about the whole of my situation and more specifically about dying.  Actually, it is never directly so much about dying, per se, but more about things like what will happen with my kitty, the pet to which I’ve become so attached and who seems more like a person in my life than a pet.  An episode may also involve disappointment with the idea of missing something like my son graduating college.  I had one such even while talking with my big sister about a week ago and her interpretation centered around my seemingly flippant view of my situation, what appears to many a denial of my fate.  In her eyes she feels I fail to accept realities.

 

Hope ….

Life comes with many aspects, some say challenges while opportunities.  When considering any part of life, any expectation, one thing remains consistent, one thing seems always ‘demanded’ of those of use facing some ominous disease, some life threatening condition, and that is hope.  I wonder if those professing this ‘hope’, this thing supposedly binding to life, this thing we must hold on to at all costs, really understand the impact of hope, including the trade-offs made when replacing ‘realistic’ with hope.  I wonder if, even in the least way, they have any concept of how hope, in itself, can destroy itself.

 

Deconstruction

Those familiar with the child’s movie, “The Lion King”, understand the concept of ‘the circle of life’.  While the movie it is depicted in a much simpler fashion, for humans it is, in principal and while containing many more elements, it is, basically the same process.  When born it is the duty, or at least is so in the view of most, of the parents to raise the infant, to guide that ‘little’ person toward something, to guide the ‘little person’ toward building a life.  The effort is constant, it involves learning the rules of life, societal norms and the gaining of some level of an education.  Over time it brings finding a means of sustenance, of being a provider and ultimately finding a mate with whom this person will share a life, and, in many cases, give rise to a new life.  In the end, it is about phases, about building a life, about the construction process involving each of us in our own little way.

 

Relationships – Diane, The Beginning

Some time ago I was given a book by Richard Bach titled ‘The Bridge Across Forever’ by the least likely of people, an over the road truck driver who happened to have a PhD in English literature.  Many wonder why he was driving a truck and the answer was simple, he wanted to escape the rat race, to hide in the morass of the moving and seemingly unidentified.  He gave me the book in the wake of my breakup with California girl which shortly preceded my meeting him.  It is an interesting book, at least from the perspective of relationships, a bit ethereal as well, but something in which I once again found solace when Diane, my first real relationship I following my divorce, ended.  The book is about finding a soulmate.