It is said that each of us have a defining moment in life, some occurrence or event that molds us into who we will forever be.  I would rather think we are the sum of our experiences and that no one moment or event, no matter how remarkable, can really change that which we are or will become.  However one might look at it, I did have a moment, which in some ways significantly altered the path of my life.

It was in the summer of 2005, about 10 months into my separation and divorce when it began pronouncing itself while making a nearly 700 mile drive north with my son for my nephew’s high school graduation.  It was simple really and subtle – my seemingly increased frequency of urination.  Thinking it was simply a matter of getting older, I was 47 at the time, I easily dismissed it.  Later that month however, something more profound and sudden happened – I lost my ejaculate.  It was this event that caused me to make an appointment with my doctor who found my PSA to be over 30.  Interjecting, as a point of reference for the unaware, for a man under 50, a PSA of over 2 will get some attention and a 4 will prompt further investigation, likely a biopsy.  With mine, there was measurable alarm and he took the action to get me into an urologist who ultimately diagnosed me with prostate cancer.  The interesting thing about my diagnosis was that it seemed I did a very good job at getting prostate cancer since not only was nearly the entire gland involved (11 of 12 “cores” were positive), my grade was nearly as bad as one can get as well.  In short, I effectively fell within a very small subgroup of men who are so afflicted.

Such a diagnosis can be a challenge and really spoil person’s day, so to speak.  However, for me, I just saw it as another challenge and even though the doctor made it clear this was a very critical situation, atypical in all aspects and certainly life threatening.  He provided emphasis by referring me to the specialized team at the local University – which, fortunately for me, happened to be rated as one of the best in the nation.  It was with this that I was faced with a decision, a choice if you will, to allow the cancer and its redress take control, or continue to live normally – whatever one considers normal.   Considering the options, I chose the latter, but concede that its presence provokes cause to think about many things, sometimes in different lights but to always acknowledge the thoughts.  It is these thoughts, these abstractions that are the basis for this writings herein.  In offering the thoughts, I trust the reader will find cause to consider, to ruminate on what is said and to consider the personal implications.

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